Planet of Scrap
by Brayds2006
Summary: After BTE. The crew travels through a Black/White Hole and discovers a planet of broken and old JMC Ships.
1. Chapter 1: A White Hole?

"Uno, I fold." said Lister. "You have sunk my battleship, sir" said Kryten. "Wait, what are we playing again?" said Cat. "We're playing Jengunokership, remember?" said Rimmer. "Wait, I thought we were playing Battlokernoga?" said Lister. "Whatever, we're playing some confusing game that we made up years back. It was probably back on Starbug." said Rimmer.

"Uno, I fold." said Lister. "You have sunk my battleship, sir. Wait, no you haven't. Why did I say that?" said Kryten. "Say what? Wait, what are we playing again?" said Cat. We're playing Jengunokership, remember? No wait, you don't." said Rimmer. "Uno, I fold. Wait, I've already said this! Holly?" said Lister.

"10:26AM." said Holly. "No Hol, why are we repeating ourselves?" said Lister."What? Oh, we've gone close to a White Hole." said Holly. "A white hole?" said Rimmer.

"Yeah, it spews out the stuff that Black Holes take in, or at least that's the common theory. You know, I've always wanted to go through one, to see if I end up on the other side." said Holly.

"Well, you better not. I don't want my innards smeared on the windshield of the back of the ship. No thanks." said Rimmer firmly. "Then it's decided, we're going in." said Holly.

"Wait, we didn't say you could!" said Lister. "I think it's a great Idea!" said Cat. "Alright, I agree." said Rimmer. "Look, I've checked on some theories, and I'm guessing it could be perfectly safe. Besides, it's too late to change course. So, who's in?" says Holly.

"Before we go in, what's the time, I haven't had breakfast yet." said Lister. "What is it, Dave?" said Holly. "No, I'm asking _you_ the time." "You wot? I thought we were going into the Black Hole to come out the White Hole?" said Holly. "A White Hole?" said Rimmer. But before anyone else could say something they said five minutes ago, Red Dwarf disappeared into the Black Hole.

Then, Red Dwarf emerged from a White Hole, presumably unscathed from the encounter. "You have sunk my battleship, sir." said Kryten. "Wait, I thought we were gonna go into that Black Hole thing?" said Cat. "We did, according to the sensors. No wait, hang about. We didn't come out the one next door." said Holly. "Well, where did we end up?" said Rimmer.

"I don't know really, but I'm scanning a S3 planet just a few hours away." "Any life forms?" said Lister. "I don't know, it's not picking up anything definite." said Holly. "We might as well go and have a look. As long as we go nowhere near another White Hole, those things make no smegging sense!" said Lister. "A White Hole?" said Rimmer.

Within two hours, the crew were on a Starbug headed towards the S3 planet. The planet itself had Blue Oceans and Green Land, not unlike Earth. The main difference is that this planet was at least twice as small. Starbug landed near a lake, and the crew disembarked.

"Well sirs, according to the Psi-scan, there are remnants of JMC registered ships on this planet." said Kryten. "JMC ships? What, Red Dwarf's cousins or something" said Lister.

"Well, that's one way of putting it. Let's just hope the cousins in this family didn't marry, like Lister's." said Rimmer. Lister glared at him. "Counted your toes recently?" continued Rimmer. Kryten interrupted before any more insults flew."I suggest we go and look for items to salvage. We could also look for any information about what happened on Earth after Red Dwarf left."

"Yeah, sounds like a plan. I'm gonna go and look for some more curry supplies. According to Holly, we're down to a general 40 year supply. That's not gonna last more then a month with me." joked Lister before walking off.

"But Krytie, why are all these ships on this planet? Did they all drift into the same black hole?" said Rimmer. "It may be a possibility, sir." said Kryten. "If we find anything, send a message over the Walkie Talkies I gave you on the way here. I'm going to look for information." said Kryten.


	2. Chapter 2: Discovery

Lister walked along the lake looking for curry supplies, or anything interesting in general. He found small pieces of debris from ships scattered around the place, occasionally finding something more interesting, like a Tap from a Sink, or a Vending Machine embedded in a Tree.

Eventually he came across a Box, turned on it's side, labled "JMC Curry Supplies". "Smeggin' perfect." Lister said to himself as he picked up the box and continued to look around.

Rimmer was looking through a patch of trees for anything interesting. After a while, he came across something. "It's Starbug." He contacted Kryten. "Krytie, I found a whole Starbug."

"I'll be right over to have a closer look, but first can you tell me where you are." said Kryten.

"Well, I'm near some trees." Rimmer responded. "Near some trees?" said Kryten.

"Yes, you Mechanical Gimboid, near some trees. I can see a river nearby too."

"I think I can see you sir, I'll be right over." said Kryten.

Kryten and Rimmer had a look inside the vehicle for any information about where it came from. "Well sir, it may have come from any large-enough JMC ship, maybe Blue Dwarf, maybe even Red Dwarf." said Kryten.

"Red Dwarf? Surely we'd know if a Starbug decided to go sneak out of the ship and take a joyride through a Black Hole." said Rimmer.

"I suppose not, sir. It must be more likely that it came from one of Red Dwarf's sister ships instead. I'll check the Flight Recorder." said Kryten.

Kryten then accessed the Flight Recorder, and was shocked at what he found.

"Sir, It's Kochanski!" said Kryten. "Kochanski? This must have been the Starbug she took off in when she left Lister!" said Rimmer.

The Flight Recorder played on. "Oh no, there's a Black Hole. Oh no, Oh smeg, Oh Smeg! Smeg! BRACE FOR IMPACT!" yelled Kochanski before ducking under her seat.

"Rather odd behaviour for Kochanski, don't you think sir?" said Kryten.

"Not really. It doesn't matter who you are, if you were headed for a Black Hole you would need at least a 10-change of underpants." said Rimmer wittingly.

The Flight Recorder then showed Starbug crashing. "I'm alive!" shouted Kochanski, before regaining composure. "Damage report. Damn! Damn near everything is broken! It's going to take weeks to repair all this!" she worried. "Well, at least it's an S3 planet. I might go and look around." she said before leaving.

Kryten then fast forwarded the Recording. "She doesn't appear to have returned, sir."

Cat then yelled at them over the walkie talkie. "Hey Guys, i'm near the big beach thing at the lake, and there's something over here! Some sorta capsule of some sort! There's someone in there, but the window is too dirty to see who it is!"

"We will be right over, Mr. Cat." said Kryten. "You don't think it's Kochanski, do you?" said Rimmer. "It may be a possibility, sir. I'll contact Mr Lister and tell him to meet up with us."


	3. Chapter 3: Paradise Smegged

The four met up near the capsule Cat had talked about. The pod was sitting just off the sand of a beach, of sorts, near the lake they landed by earlier. The pod itself was at a 45-degree angle and almost hidden amongst the lush bushes around it. "It's a stasis pod!" said Rimmer.

"So, there's a person inside then?" asks Lister. "No, it's just a pair of Horses in a pantomine Person." snarked Rimmer.

"Suggest that I clean the screen first. We don't want another Epideme or Simulant on our hands." said Kryten. He then did so.

"D'you think that there might be more Pods around the planet?" asked Rimmer. "Lister, no matter how many Pods there are, not one of them will contain a Alien Space Babe. Give up." responded Rimmer.

Kryten finished cleaning a patch on the screen. "It's Ms. Kochanski!" he said. "Krissie?" yelled Lister. "Kryten, man, get 'er out of there!"

"First I need to make sure the Pod is stable. We don't want to bring her only half into time. This should only take about a minute." said the Mechanoid before going about the checks.

"How'd she get here? Did Starbug go through a Black Hole, like us?" asked Lister. "Yes, we found her abandoned Starbug in a patch of trees nearby. We checked the flight recorder and found out that she crashed here after being caught in the path of Black Hole, like us. Except her Starbug couldn't take the impact, waved the white flag and crashed." said Rimmer.

"Sirs, I've finished my checks. I will now open the pod."

Kochanski then sprang to life. "-ET BACK! GO! SHOO! ...what? Dave? What are you doing here?" "What are you doing here?" he responded. "I crashed here after I left Red...Dave, I'm so sorry." she apologised.

"Yeah, whatever. You left me, and Kryten told me you were dead. Turns out he lied to spare my feelings." said Lister. "Dave, you were doing nothing with your life. I couldn't just sit there and waste your life away."

"Anyway, we can't stay here, it's dangerous." she continued. "How? It doesn't look dangerous." said Lister. "That's where you're wrong. There was this monster chasing me! I had to hide in this pod to get away from it, then next thing I saw was the lot of you. I'm guessing it was a Stasis Pod?" she asked.

"Correct, Ma'am. Could you describe this Monster?" asked Kryten. "Sort of. At one point, it was this small, slimy, dirty thing that crawled at fast speed. Then it disappeared and a Tree Branch came out of nowhere tried to attack. I kept running, but at one point I turned around and saw the tree branch morph into the slimy monster. I tried to find a place to hide from it, so I ran into the Pod." she concluded.

"It's a Polymorph." said Rimmer, with more then a hint of fear in his voice. "Smeg. We better go then." said Lister.

"What's a polymorph?" asked Kochanski. "It's a morphing creature that sucks out your emotions." said Rimmer. "But what's it doing here? And why are all these ships here? It's almost like this planet is some sorta dumping ground for the universe." said Lister.

"Well, it might be the planet's gravitational pull. I know that after I went through the black hole, the planet drew Starbug in." said Kochanski. "And what would a planet be doing so close to a Black Hole?" said Rimmer.

"Everyone, we better leave now. This planet is too dangerous to stay on." said Kryten.

After a short walk around the scenic and curving lake, they were back onboard Starbug. "All systems stable. Ready for takeoff." said Kryten. Starbug was headed for orbit when the Life Scanner monitor came to life.

"There appears to be at least 10 people on the planet." said Kryten. "What, Humans?" asked Lister, surprised. "Yes. They were on the other side of the planet. The readings were scrambled earlier, which might have had something to to with the black hole behind us." explained Kryten.

"So, do we check them out?" said Lister. "Wait, are they cannibals?" said Rimmer. "I don't know, the Scanner doesn't tell me that." responded Kryten. "Well, I say we observe them from a safe distance at first." said Kochanski.

Starbug drifted over to the area the humans were found in, along the way passing trees; cliffs; waterfalls; rivers; lakes; mountains; and many other scenic wonders. "This place is amazing. If it weren't for the fact that crawling monsters want to eat us, I'd stay here." said Lister, taking in the world he was seeing.

A large house came into view, sitting up a hill from a river. It was a nice two-story house, something you would expect in a rich Housing Development. All ten humans were down at the river, either having a swim or relaxing at the side.

"Well, they seem friendly. They Smell friendly too." said Cat. "Wait, what's happening." said Kochanski.

The humans were attacked by several creatures that were hiding in the trees. "Oh my god, they're being eaten." said Rimmer, before fainting. "They've been hired as lunch!" said Cat.

Before too long, the humans were just a scattered pile of bones. "That's just disgusting." said Rimmer, climbing back onto his seat.

"C'mon, Lets go." said Lister quietly.

After leaving the orbit of the planet, Lister realised something. "Wait, wasn't Red Dwarf on the other side of that White Hole?" "Yes, it was." said Rimmer.

"Then how can we get back to it? We can't go through a White Hole." said Lister. Everyone was quiet for a moment, fearing that they would have to chase after Red Dwarf again.

Then suddenly, Red Dwarf shot out of the White Hole like a bulky, red bullet. "Woah, there it is!" said Lister. Then, Holly appeared on Starbug's monitor.

"Awight Dudes, what's been shaking?" asked Holly. "Holly man, how'd you know to send Red Dwarf through the Black Hole?

"What? Oh, I forgot to put the brakes on. Sorry dudes." he said. "Oh, hang about. I'm just checking the star charts. It looks like were only 600 years from Earth now." Holly concluded.

"600 years?" shouted Lister. "I'm guessing this means that we'll come across old Space Corps stations soon?" said Kochanski.

"It's possible. I remember coming across stations as far as 300 years out when I was on the Nova V." said Kryten.

"D'you think that any humans are still on these?" said Lister. "Do you think that they are still human?" said Cat. "If they aren't humans, then Lister might find his Peers." snarked Rimmer.

With this, Starbug pulled into one of the many Landing Bay doors in Red Dwarf.

_Just wanted to say a quick thanks to Andy0001z for the feedback._


End file.
